Proving the Tide Tables Wrong

July 15, 2011

As everyone should know, before you come to fish in the fishing capital of the planet you must check out the Tide Tables chart, found conveniently in an ubiquitous little book that costs a buck and is in every gas station/convenience store/fly shop in the great state of Alaska, of which were are many.  This little book fits right in to the pocket of your fishing vest.  (And please you lower-48ers, though finding one may be difficult, undoubtedly your fingers can, and should, Google its data.  Do it before booking your flight.)   

The little pages are filled with little numbers and little letters showing the date of month and day of the week, AM/PM High Tides and Low Tides, and the feet of difference between the two. (It reminds me of the mind-blowing,  goobly- gook of info found in European train schedules.)  Most importantly, perhaps, the little book has little symbols of little fish next to each little line. A little fish about the size of the tab key arrow northwest of your pinky finger means the fishing is good.  There may be three or four Tab Arrow Fishies in a row, then on the next line the fishy size will begin to diminish to a Sideways $ Sign Fish size say, then to a <> Fish size, and on down to the lowly Hyphen-Fish.   We arrived on an Ampersand-sized Fish day, and yesterday was Tilde Fish day.

So here we are here on Alaska’s Kenai Peninsula on one of the worse days to be fishing in the best fishing spots in the world.  Our plan--outsmart the darn natives who put this farmer’s almanac of fishing together.   

First thing we did was send out the big guns--Trice and Jim.  They launched-off, out-to-sea with the ‘We wack em, stack em , pak em, and vak em’  Irish Halibut Warriors from Nilnilchit Beach at O900 hours.  The girls, armed with clam suckers, shovels, buckets, rubber gloves and ignorance marched down to said beach water’s edge as the tide was receding—round 9:32 according to the table.  (Note:  when the fish punctuation is little bitty the clammin’s supposed to be pretty good cuz the negative tide exposes more of hideouts of the oblong, mouse pad-sized bi-values.) 

In case you don’t know:  to clam you scan for thumbprints in the sand.  And, you watch what the Eskimo lady is doing: see divot, gently shovel like mad (and this takes finesse) a hole six to eight inches deep;  reach in; dig, dig, dig; grab the “neck” AQAP (Q=quickly) before it squirts its way into deeper sand; don’t crush shell ( and don’t slice your finger on it as Leah did if you choose not to use the rubber gloves as Leah did, cuz these aren’t called Razor Clams for nothin’);  toss in bucket; straighten up, unkink your sore back; look for next tiny clam dot for next victim.  Take bucket-full (turns out to be 87 clams) home for cleaning…when the real fun begins!

Low Tide in Ninilchik

Everythang's Big in Laska

July 14, 2011

We've seen so many bald eagles we've stopped counting...we're bored with the birds, now bring on da bears (but not too close please)!  Just kidding, we're not indifferent to these soarers one bit, we are still in awe, but truly
the day was full of them.

It started this morning as I lay three-quarters asleep wondering what time in the world it was when I heard an overhead cry; it sounded like a chicken ate a kitty cat or vice-versa.  Then, I thought I dreamt that I heard a mumble coming from my sleeping-bag-tumbled spouse "That was an eagle," the muffled voice said.

Then later, while we were looking for up-stream swimming salmon, Mr. BE himself, swooped down grandly to show the already present gulls how to fish. Talons at-the-ready he confidently took aim landing upright, gripping the water...but alas, it was he who had to eat crow--he missed, ha-ha!  The gulls went wild with glee and
proceeded to molest him as he regrouped nonchalantly on a nearby dead tree.  With his yellow beak piercing the air, he offhandedly commented, " I meant to do that" and swooshed upward, looped and glided arising to a far away tree where he joined others of his ilk to oversee the valley. Nearby, in the crook of a tall birch, was a very large, branchy nest.    

Can you see them?  There's three or four bald eagles in that tree.  

Other birds in residence on the Southern Kenai Peninsula are ravens and crows, magpies and robins, as well as, the ubiquitous über-gull; regular gull-like looking fellows but as big as three Aransas Pass seabirds put together.  Another large predator bird soared by that looked a lot like the eagle but was all mottled and brown, bedraggled and well, plain goofy looking.  It turns out it was BE's offspring; emphasizing the need for such a ginormous nest. 


There are flowers galore, including giant bluebonnets that, like the gulls, must be on steroids.  They call them Lupine. We've not sighted a moose yet but we've seen the signs,; broken limbs and a lot of scat.  Did you know that moose turds look like the chocolate-covered pecans?  Beware next time you shop in one of those all-things-Texan tourist shops.  And the mosquitoes, well they're so big that they call them the state birds of Alaska.  Har-d-har-har!  


I can just hear it now if Palin and Perry go head-to-head in the Republican Primary Debates, Palin:  "Well, it's ovious that I'm the bettha cayndidate cuz my stayte is bigger dan your stayte. My bluebonnets are bigger dan your bluebonnets. And even though we can see Russia from here, we've been able to keep 'em from crossing da bordha, ja, ja,ja, ja!"